Christine: I failed big, and now I’m studying hard to move forward in a real way.

Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed by life. Life has been chucking an unfair amount of roadblocks and obstacles directly at my face… but it’s also been giving me a lot of wins, and right now I’m just trying to balance the anxiety with the excitement.

I can’t tell if I’m being unrealistic in my expectations for the future. If I look at the facts, I should be freaking out on a daily basis, but I’ve actually been feeling extraordinarily calm and optimistic about what (I hope) I’m attracting into my life.

There’s A LOT going right.

I’m taking a bus to Seattle tomorrow to sit down with the CEO of a large company. I don’t know where this interaction will lead, but it’s definitely got my heart a pitter pattering all over the place.

I was selected as a mentee in the Women and Film actor mentorship program. I’ve been paired with Beverley Elliot, and last week she let me sit in on a rehearsal for a one-woman show that she’s putting up.

I was just offered a role in a short film (no audition!) as the lead.

I’m performing a staged-reading of a one woman show in a couple of weeks with the Brave New Play Rites Festival (in a addition to participating in two other staged readings). – [Staged reading on March 7. More information here].

I made a vision board for Creative Life – all the people I want to interview, and how I want the website to evolve – and I can actually see and feel my efforts paying off.

I’m planning multiple collaborations with friends related to theatre, creative writing, and risk.

Things are really good.

And yet things are also REALLY SCARY!

Things started to get really wonky for me financially around December, and it still hasn’t sorted itself out. I’m basically broke. I’ve had to take out a line of credit, and my mom has had to send me heaps of money to help me survive.

Tomorrow is the six month anniversary of “the break up” – I put that in quotes, because I was with my ex for 6 1/2 years. We moved to Vancouver from New Brunswick together, and now (all of a sudden) 6 months have already passed since the night of the hardest conversation I’ve ever had in my life. Valentine’s day was tough, and when it comes to matters of love… I don’t know anything.

I realized that I wasn’t even sure of what I wanted! What makes me happy? What makes my heart sing? Inspired by Melody Biringer from Urban Campfire, I created a #100ThingsICrave Pinterest board. That helped.

Then, to help me to stay a float amongst all of the unknowns, I wrote a mantra that I am in the process of memorizing and repeating to myself on a daily basis. It’s taken a lot of rewriting, but this is what I’ve come up with:

I’m getting closer and closer to the full realization of my authentically powerful self.
I can feel the tension releasing its hold as I breathe in the love of the world. 
I am abundant in passion, love, creative fulfillment and happiness.
I get paid to do what I love. 
I give and receive help freely and frequently.

Everyday I experience the luxurious freedom of being able to
put all of my energy into my own projects, learning and enjoyment. 

I love all of who I am: my imperfections and idiosyncrasies,
but also my curiosity, insatiable desire, and love of knowledge and people. 

I am beautiful. I’ve always been beautiful. 
I’m looking forward to the love, synchronicity, opportunity, and abundance that I’m attracting into my life
with every good feeling thought that I think, 
and through every vibrationally consistent person I meet.

Today I welcome the possibility of big change, big ideas, and big love. 

Thank you for this day. Thank you for this life. 

I’ve also been surrounding myself with books.

In the last couple of months I’ve:
Read Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and learned the importance of a Burning Desire
Listened to HOURS of seminars by Abraham Hicks and learned about why I shouldn’t be contradicting myself.

I’ve also found a plethora of resources on cultivating an abundance mindset. These are my favourites so far:

• Abraham-Hicks: The Concept of the Grid
• Abraham-Hicks: Removing Residual Fears about Money
• Bob Proctor: Abundance Meditation
• The Honest Guys: The Wishing Well of Abundance

In addition, I’ve been following through on these habits on a daily basis:

• journalling and practicing gratitude
• meditating
• starting my day with a very clear intention – spoken aloud

*The intention one is creepy. The first time I did this, I said out loud that today I was prepared for big change. That day I got a call from the CEO of the company I mentioned above, and that night booked a hotel in Seattle. That’s pretty big. The second time I did it (yesterday), I said “today I welcome big love, big abundance, and big opportunity.” Something equally crazy happened, but I’m not going to put that into writing just yet.

I should also mention, that after saying these intentions I focused, the rest of the day, on listening to my intuition and following through. It’s the follow through that has really started to change things for me.

I can’t control everything, but I can control me – My habits, and what I do on a daily basis. That’s what I’ve learned this last month.

I’m whirling around in nothingness right now, but I know that things will ultimately work out. I’m happy, so I guess that’s all that really matters.

Right now I’m really just focusing on believing in myself, and Man, am I ever believing HARD!